4 out of 5

Today is a hard day. I don't know if it's my stress, T's stress, or a deadly combination of the two, but we had the first fight we've had in a very long time. I don't even know that it was so much a fight as an impasse. Or just a loud vocalization of quiet feelings.

T's reaction to stress is negativity and abrasiveness. My reaction to that is pervasive and consistent optimism. Only I can't be happy for the both of us for very long, and he has been stressed for the past few weeks. Right on cue, my stress creeps in at the midnight hour, and my survival plan cannot include optimism for two. It's standing room only. Usually I can just shrug my shoulders and let him tizzy himself out, but it's different this time. Because this one statistic just keeps flashing across my mind: 4 out of 5 medical students get divorced while going through school. Now we are a little bit of a special case since we're both in school...but does that make it half as likely? Twice?

Things are about to get overwhelming fast, and if things are this hard in the first days of orientation, how is it going to be when we reach our first test block?

I'm more upset with anxiety than anything. It's fear of the unknown. Although that unknown has been fortified with dismal testimonials from students who have come before me.