Ah the World Wide Web

Back to school once again. I'm excited for this quarter because I have a relatively light load with only one science class; the rest are public health and one psychology class. This should give me ample time to schedule in some MCAT study time, relax, and be productive.

Weatherwise, it was a weird day. A little rain this morning, followed by a brief interlude of calm sunshine, then violent wind and snow, and finally just some gusting, obnoxious wind. But I gritted my teeth and hopped on the bike for what I hoped would be a quick 10 miles. It was good at first (thank you, tailwind), but progressively worsened to the point where I was pedaling madly and barely going 5 mph. I altered my loop once I realized that Kittitas highway was extremely bicycle-unfriendly with jackass rednecks passing me with only inches to spare, and then honking as if I was committing some terrible injustice against them. The last half of the loop was pretty agonizing, but I made it back in 45 minutes even after stopping a couple of times to check my trusty iPhone map to see how in the hell I could get off that death highway. The bike felt good and stable, I like and trust it more each time I ride it.

The prompt I got today made me laugh, because it's something I wonder every so often anyway: "What did you do before we had the internet?"

Seriously, what did we do? The internet plays such a central role in my life that I can barely imagine its nonexistence. I had a set of encyclopedias and a telephone book and lots of crazy colored pencils back in the pre-internetic days. These are all obsolete now. I would never buy an encyclopedia set, I throw away the phonebook as soon as they deliver it, and I have one pencil that I only use for Scantron tests and Organic Chemistry. But there had to be some other things to fill all my time spent on the internet. Or maybe doing things without the internet took up so much time that it evens out; the extra time is just spent looking at more stuff on the internet. I was pretty young when the internet was first hitting homes, so it's hard to remember anyway...but I do know that I love my internet-laden lifestyle, and wouldn't go back to the dark ages. Anything you could ever want to know is at your fingertips, and it is glorious.

Windy day

Today was almost unbearably windy. We went to Yakima to attempt to escape the gusting pest, but not with very much luck. Still, we went to the Northtown Coffeehouse and relaxed for a while. The juxtaposition of the coffeehouse and wine culture with the patrons of the jail and bond shop is so stark that it would be comical if it didn't inspire more than a little unease. The irony of a polished, swanky coffeehouse residing in the former home of the infamous Blue Banjo, depriving the crackheads and prostitutes of an alcohol-imbued haven is so richly steeped in symbolism and meaning that it's enough to make your head spin giddily in rumination.

Instead of going for a bike ride today, I went for a run to try to minimize the effect of the wind. It was tough and I didn't feel great, but I surpassed my goal for the workout and I feel good now. Hopefully the wind will die down tomorrow and I can have a good time on the bike.

For dinner tonight: whole wheat pasta with tomatoes, onion, garlic, and portobello mushrooms along with some wilted spinach and garlic bread. If I had it to do over, I wouldn't have bought the spinach. It's not the most satisfying veggie in the world, but at least I know I'm good on my iron now. I've been doing well with dinners lately and not jumping to a quick unhealthy fix (cough...chicken nuggets). This break has been a great chance to try out some new flavors and new recipes without feeling guilty about squandering time better spent on studying. I'm putting in effort and not cutting any corners while I have the time, and the only frozen goods I have are chicken (breasts and unapologetically, nuggets), veggies, and berries. I love not having a microwave, and it's been over a year and a half since I've had one and I've only missed it twice. All in all, I think I'm doing pretty well! I haven't put a date on it yet, but I'm doing the underwater weighing/body composition again this year and I'm aiming for 20%. It's kind of weird to put that on blogger, but I think it's better to have more accountability, and when you put something on the internet, you're pretty accountable. So that's the goal. It's happening.

Break, hunting, and accomplishments: an amalgam.

Spring break is nearing an end faster than a freight train headed toward a hapless turtle. I've enjoyed myself though. It's been relaxing and refreshing to clear my head, but short enough so that I don't lose my drive going into Spring quarter. I haven't been thrilled with the weather this week (rainy, gloomy, and windy), but the bright side is that I don't have classes on Fridays now, so I don't feel entirely cheated. Tonight I was treated to a beautiful spring break dinner and had a lovely day with my husband. That is the way to wrap things up.

Usually this is the time of year that I create my training plan, but since I'm not planning on any tri's this summer, I haven't been too excited about it. Still, there is a chance that I will do a last minute registration on one if someone is looking for a buddy. So my plan is to focus on running and cycling for pleasure...and hit the pool if I feel like it, or if a tri seems imminent. The big deal is getting started.

For the first two weeks, I'm going to try for 5 days a week: 3 cycling and 2 running. I'm just going to pay attention to my body and evaluate what distances/times to go for, then build from there. I think I'll start with a ride tomorrow.

Well now that's out of the way! I will report on here to keep honest; the first two weeks are always the hardest.

Today we went up to Cooke Canyon to go hunting. It was snowing a little at the beginning, but not very much wind (luckily). I hadn't gone in quite a while, so it was great to watch the dogs and get some newer pictures.

Here is Dutch on point:

And Coltrane honoring Dutch's point:

It's amazing how great these dogs are at their jobs, and how much they love doing it.

While I'm posting pictures, I suppose I might as well post one of my new wheels.

Yes, that is a dog leash hanging from a hook on the ceiling serving as a bike stand so we could adjust the derailleurs more easily; MacGyvered by my resourceful husband.

The prompt generator today yielded: "What have you accomplished in the past five years?" This seemed like a great list to make, so despite this turning into a very long entry, I'm going to continue.

2004

I graduated high school with honors and secretly credited part of my good friend Jonathan's Valedictorianship to myself and my invaluable peer-to-peer skills. Soon after, I took a deep breath and moved across the US to go to school in New Orleans. I didn't know a soul and it was one of the most exciting/scared times I've ever encountered.

2005

I completed my first year of college and my first triathlon. I met my husband-to-be and had one of the best summers of my life. I later "survived Katrina" and moved to yet another strange city (Tacoma) to wait out the evacuation. I rented a recently flooded apartment over Craigslist with no pictures, and moved back to New Orleans, this time with my future-husband in tow.

2006

This year is dark and blurry, and I usually try to forget everything about it. There were some strong and important accomplishments, though. After a painful period of confusion and depression, I severed nearly all ties with my father. I saw through the crushing web of lies and manipulations (not without strenuous help from Travis), and relit my life with hope and determination. I learned how to survive, and began to learn how to thrive. It's almost like there is a hole in my memory for most of this year. It's dismal and painful and I no longer dwell there.

2007

This was a powerful year in my life. I made difficult decisions. I took a formidable stand to eradicate anything my father could hold over my head. I had clarity and was not sucked in to his manipulations. Amidst violent threats, accusations, and berating, I succeeded in my own vindication: the $75,000 (and rapidly growing with interest) that he stole from me was repaid and I was free. I decided to move back to Washington in spite of an intense fear of the recognition of my "failure" and it was one of the best decisions I had ever made. I stopped drinking unhealthily. I began to lose my faith in religion, but strengthened my faith in God and my own spiritual health. I got engaged and got my first dog.

2008

I thrived in my new surroundings and made fantastic contributions to the community and to the Public Health field. I dealt with the painful death of my puppy. I got a new dog that I love unconditionally. I got married. I earned a place in honor societies and Dean's lists. I found balance.

2009

This year is very young and I have yet to gain very much perspective. I guess my accomplishments thus far would be maintaining balance and happiness. I feel like one of the luckiest people in the world with an (almost) perfect husband, dog, and life. My goals for the rest of this year: get great grades, perform outstandingly well on the MCAT, get into my top medical schools, take away meaningful experience from my internship.

For the second night in a row, I feel crappy. During the day, I'm fine. As the late evening wears on, I feel like I'm catching a bug, then in the morning I'm good. I don't know what the issue is here, but I'm over it. Usually I am pretty tuned into my body and I know when I'm pushing too hard or not enough, but these past couple of days I've just felt out of whack. I will figure out the culprit soon...

Not much to report today. Maybe when I'm feeling better I'll be able to manage a little more eloquence and elaboration. The bike is feeling good. I think I'm a couple more adjustments away from perfection.

The bike is here...this post is a little spec-y

Spring break is finally here and it's been cloudy and windy all four days. My bicycle finally got here yesterday and it is beautiful: carbon fiber seat stays, carbon fiber handlebars and stem, titanium axle rods, titanium water bottle cages, carbon fiber seat post, titanium saddle rails, crazy light Ritchey WCS Protocol LTD wheels, and full Ultegra components. I was so excited to get it, and when it arrived Monday afternoon, we immediately began assembly. Now, I'm a little hesitant. There is something about being relatively unknowledgeable about bike assembly, then building your own from the ground up to hop on and ride at 35+ mph that is a little unnerving, so I haven't really let her rip yet. Add to that the fact that I lost my helmet last year, and you may begin to understand my reluctance.

Tomorrow, we're planning on going over to Yakima and riding the greenway so I'll have a support crew in case anything should suddenly fall off. For a quick ride tonight, a book I requested from the library has been returned so I'm going to hop on the bike and pick it up. More on that later...

As for my recent decision to slim down my internet consumption, I have been moderately successful. I've stuck to my guns with myspace and facebook, but I've slipped a little with livejournal...Janelle just keeps me coming back for more! There are comments to make and replies to respond to. It's been tough doing this so close to spring break, but I've been reading more and now that the weather is getting nice, going outside more often.

That's about all I have to report. For dinner tonight, I made rice, an asparagus and radish salad with a lemon/cumin/vinaigrette, and lump crab with red pepper, scallion, celery, asparagus, lemon, and yogurt broiled on top of english muffin halves. Mmmm.

Spring is here!

Ahh the first day of spring and spring break. It feels superb, and a little strange at the same time. I have a giant sense of relief, but also a nagging empty spot where all my scholastical responsibilities and their disapproving eyes once rested.

I usually take a day or so to relax, then wonder what I am going to do with my time. But this time, I know. I have a stack of books waiting to be read: The Adventures of Augie March, ChiRunning, A People's History of the United States, Anatomy of the Spirit; a rockin bicycle currently en-route from Tucson, and an obscenely grimy kitchen that is on the verge of being positively vomititious. And with a forecast with highs in the 50's-60's, a vacation couldn't be more splendidly timed.

Happy spring/spring break, one and all! I don't know about you, but if I play my cards right, I might get taken out to dinner tonight...

Connectivity

It's been about 2 hours since I woke up this morning, and I have accomplished very little studying. "Well why not?" you may ask, and I would tell you that I was just doing stuff on the internet. This led me to the question, are we too connected? Am I?

I Facebook, Myspace, Tweet, Blog, LiveJournal, read 3 RSS feeds, E-mail, Blackboard, Paperbackswap, and accent with a little Stumbling. Most of these things wouldn't even have been considered verbs a couple of years ago, but now I'm pretty sure even "Facebooking" is a real word. But here it is, eight o'clock, and I haven't even finished with my list of connectivity-to-do's! Now, I have taken a break to study, but shouldn't it be the other way around? This internet fluff is starting to grow from what you find on the end of a Q-tip, to a cotton ball, and now it's almost the size of one of those body pillows that everyone used to have. I think it's time for me to cut back; go on an Internet diet.

I'll start with Myspace because there's not a whole lot of interesting stuff on there anyway. Myspace is cut down to once a week. Even typing that makes me cringe a little. Can I do that? Once a week? Yes, I can. Stumbling can also go to once a week, most likely on a weekend. Facebook? That is a tough one. I think I'd better start with once a day. Same for Paperbackswap. I already do the RSS feeds just once a day and I think that is ok. LiveJournal and Blogger I think I will stick to twice a day for now. Twitter, ummm...Let's leave Twitter alone for now. You don't want to do too much too fast, you know? Heh. E-mail and Blackboard are pretty important, so I don't think that I will put caps on those.

I know that still seems like a lot, but it is a big step for me. I really don't know how often I check each of these per day, but trust me, it's a lot. I guess I feel like I'm wasting big chunks of time on things that really aren't important, meaningful, or informational. A few of them are, but not Facebook. Not Myspace. So I will commit to taking that time and focusing it on something more useful: studying, playing with my dog, having a conversation, taking some pictures, practicing the piano, doing more yoga, going for a longer run.

I'll keep you posted on how this turns out...only once a day, of course.

The number one fear...

In Public Health classes, you can count on at least one presentation during the quarter. My most recent presentation was with a group, and one of the girls expressed how habitually terrified she was of speaking in public. She asked how I handled speaking in public so often and so calmly, and I realized that now I actually am pretty calm when it comes to public speaking.

This wasn't always the case; I stammered at the speed of light, and paused only to punctuate with an "um" or "uh." Add in the glazed eyes of an audience of peers and I was a rambling machine. Now, I've figured it out. Not to say that I have it down to an art, but I've at least figured out the science.

1. Breathe. This is especially effective before the speech/presentation. A series of ten deep, meaningful breaths can quiet those last minute jitters. It also counts while you're speaking; remember to breathe and the words will flow naturally.

2. Ooze confidence. Other than being prepared (see below), the best trick for confidence is emulation. Identify someone that you think is enormously confident, and adopt their mannerisms. My confidence muse: Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. She is deliciously evil, but walks and speaks as though she owns the world. I channel her, and immediately my posture improves and I settle into a calm.

3. Only preach what you know. If you don't know the topic inside and backwards, the nerves are amplified. Be prepared and solid in your knowledge foundation and let the confidence ooze.

4. Slow it down. One of my greatest pitfalls that one I still stumble into: people look bored so I amp up the speed. Wrong. Keep it slow, pick non-awkward places to pause, and let them reflect. The faster you talk, the faster the audience will tune out.

5. Add on the anecdotes. People perk up when they hear a good story, so toss one in (that's relevant) every once in a while. To make this easier, remember that it doesn't always have to be the whole truth. The greatest storytellers mix in a hint of believable embellishment.

6. Maintain eye contact, but don't stare. I think about 2 seconds of eye contact per person is great before scanning on to the next. Avoid looking down, the audience will think you're either unknowledgeable or lying (see number five).

7. Dress awesome. It will help your credibility, your confidence, and your performance; invest in quality, fashionable style. Put in as much or more effort as you would on a date, but with less cleavage.

8. Practice. In the mirror, in front of friends, or in front of the camera; it's invaluable. Don't be afraid to change something if you don't think it's working.

Overall, just make your nerves work for you. The best way to do that is to come prepared. I've seen the bad presentations and those are motivation enough to put in a little extra effort.

Errg.

I've stressed myself out a little bit. The time to apply to Med School is drawing near. I'm registering for the MCAT and putting together application materials. Three big things make this difficult: no cheery high school counselor to hold my hand through this one, MCAT costs $250, application costs $150 plus $30 for each additional school, and an intense fear of failure. Acceptance rates for most medical schools are less than 10%. That means 90% of people who apply are rejected. Shot down. Given the boot. Kicked to the curb. Fail. That's a scary prospect. I've set myself up to do as well as I could in school here, and now that the deadline is approaching, I'm terrified that I have not done nearly enough. Maybe if I make a list I'll feel better.

Started one club as an officer, member of three others. Member of professional public health associations. Majoring in a less-common field. Volunteer Red Cross instructor. Website design experience for public health. Going to do an internship this summer in a clinical setting. Good grades (this time around).

I'm afraid of my Tulane grades holding me down. Maybe I should find somewhere else to volunteer. I think there is a free clinic that comes to Eburg every other weekend...

I've been pretty good at keeping the "what ifs" at bay, but facing the imminent end of the road of preparation has me a little panicked and it's getting harder and harder to shut those daunting acceptance rates out of my mind. Maybe that's a good thing and it's fuel for my motivation to keep pushing hard in this last stretch.

There are an awful lot of maybes in this post, if that gives you any extra insight to how I'm feeling. Eeerrrrg.

Phobe.

Everyone has their own little quirks: likes and dislikes, favorites, fears, and habits. Like a mom would say, those differences are what make you special and make the world go 'round. Yeah ok mom.

One thing I am particularly embarrassed about (besides the difficulty I have spelling the word "embarrassed") is my little touch of claustrophobia. It's embarrassing because it's irrational and I consider myself a pretty rational person. So sitting here, rationally and decisively typing on my proven MacBook, I can recognize that it is silly for my heart to race and palms to sweat as I eerily prophesy the imminent collapse of that way-too-close-to-covering-my-whole-head blanket leading to my terrifying suffocation and likely death all in about 9 seconds. Yes, I sit here and exclaim the ludicrousness of these whims, but in the situation where the confines are far too close, those whims evolve into distinctively real, lugubrious possibilities; the only rational thing to do is to be afraid! My mind shrieks: "You dummy! If you don't untangle yourself from this mess you and I will both surely be squished to death!" And who am I to ignore such a sinister threat? As rapidly as possible, I extract myself from the "situation." It's the only reasonable thing to do.

So what portentous premonitions do other otherwise rational minds concoct? I certainly do not want to imagine lest I get any foreboding ideas.

I guess I'm now a decaf-er

For some reason, I don't handle coffee in my system like I used to. It seems like all of a sudden my normal 12 oz latte makes me feel shaky, squirmy, and overall uncomfortable. What a shame, too! I love coffee so much, so I'm making the switch to decaf.

So today I went to the best coffee shop I have discovered thus far in my everlasting quest for coffeehouse perfection: Pioneer Coffee in Cle Elum. The only things that are wrong: it's not within walking distance and the pastry selection is both limited and lackluster. However, I suppose if I can't walk there I probably don't need a case of patisserie temptation beckoning seductively. Anyway, the coffee is great, the seating and atmosphere is a mixture of cozy and sophisticated, the baristas are sweet and knowledgeable, and they sell wine!

All in all it's been a lovely day...except it snowed again and the NY Times crossword seems unreasonably difficult.

The End-of-Winter Itch

I haven't been very inspired to write about much of anything lately. The things that get me really fired up (banning guns so Mexican drug cartels won't get them from us, Uggo Chris Gregoire, whiny pregnant people who believe pregnancy and the ensuing "stay-at-home-mom" title are the penultimate and ultimate goals in life and everyone else is pathetically missing out) are too exhausting and useless to dwell upon, and the daily occurrences in my life seem to be direct replicas of the everyday mundane from the day before. I'm not complaining too much about the lack of variety in my life; smooth sailing is a much better alliterative cliche than stormy seas.

I'm really itching for a little more warmth so I can get back to running and biking. The training and control over my body feels so freeing; not to mention the five plus pounds of winter insulation I need to shrug off. One week of Wii Fit later and I'm still hovering at a despicable 129. Not that I've actually been doing anything to try to lose weight. Heh. Wii Fit doesn't lie.

Further, after a few months adjusting to the mini-house, I'm starting to feel cooped up; I need alone time and there's rarely any solitude to be found in this house except maybe in the shower. And even then my dog noses the door open and pokes his head in just to see what I'm up to. A little sweet, a little weird, a little annoying.

Anyway. Just 50-60 degrees outside is all I need. Please?