Errg.

I've stressed myself out a little bit. The time to apply to Med School is drawing near. I'm registering for the MCAT and putting together application materials. Three big things make this difficult: no cheery high school counselor to hold my hand through this one, MCAT costs $250, application costs $150 plus $30 for each additional school, and an intense fear of failure. Acceptance rates for most medical schools are less than 10%. That means 90% of people who apply are rejected. Shot down. Given the boot. Kicked to the curb. Fail. That's a scary prospect. I've set myself up to do as well as I could in school here, and now that the deadline is approaching, I'm terrified that I have not done nearly enough. Maybe if I make a list I'll feel better.

Started one club as an officer, member of three others. Member of professional public health associations. Majoring in a less-common field. Volunteer Red Cross instructor. Website design experience for public health. Going to do an internship this summer in a clinical setting. Good grades (this time around).

I'm afraid of my Tulane grades holding me down. Maybe I should find somewhere else to volunteer. I think there is a free clinic that comes to Eburg every other weekend...

I've been pretty good at keeping the "what ifs" at bay, but facing the imminent end of the road of preparation has me a little panicked and it's getting harder and harder to shut those daunting acceptance rates out of my mind. Maybe that's a good thing and it's fuel for my motivation to keep pushing hard in this last stretch.

There are an awful lot of maybes in this post, if that gives you any extra insight to how I'm feeling. Eeerrrrg.